Don't mess with Shirley
by Dicey of Darlo
Summary: There are lots of references to spanking in this programme and I feel of all the characters Alan Shore is the most deserving! Warning Spanking do not read if not your thing.


Shirley Schmidt was furious. Torture pain and yet more pain was on her mind as she thought of the man she currently shared the elevator with.

Focussing on studiously ignoring Alan Shore for fear of causing him grievous bodily harm Shirley stood rigidly erect willing the elevator doors to open.

Alan Shore for all his faults was a perceptive man and as Shirley's anger was almost physically palpable in the small space they currently shared, he

was well aware that speaking now may not be the wisest move he had ever made. Alan however had always been one to seize the moment and he

felt he must at least try and explain the circumstances surrounding the bet he had made with Denny Crane.

"Shirley if I may I would like to try and explain..." Alan stopped mid-sentence amazed at the speed at which Shirley had spun around to face him and

grabbed him by his ear with what Alan felt was unnecessary force.

"I told you I didn't want to hear another word from you but oh no! You just can't keep that smart mouth of yours closed can you? As you're so eager to

explain your behaviour then I suggest we head straight to Denny's office so we can get his version of events!"

The elevator doors swished open and Shirley stormed out dragging her recalcitrant colleague out by his abused ear.

"Ow Shirley as you know I am not one to baulk at pain…. Ow Ow however I must point out I think the amount of force your putting into twisting my ear

off is beyond unnecessary Ow Shirley!"

Ignoring the younger man's pleas Shirley ploughed on almost walking straight into the tall and enquiring figure of Carl Sack who had been disturbed

from his afternoon reverie by the commotion caused by Alan Shore's yelping and complaining.

Looking from each of his colleagues to another Carl enquired "Shirley Alan is there a problem?"

Twisting her victim's ear ever more viciously eliciting a further squeak of pain Shirley turned to Alan "Yes Alan come on your keen to explain yourself how

about you explain to Carl exactly what went down in the Judge's chambers today"

Feeling unusually intimidated in his current position Alan looked up into the enquiring face of Carl Sack then looked pleadingly at Shirley saying "Actually

Shirley I think the less people who know about this the better"

Ignoring Alan Shirley proceeded to fill Carl In on the events earlier in court. Including the Judges summons and the revelation that Alan and Denny had

made a bet on the outcome of the case.

Alan was visibly cringing as he spoke to Carl saying "I don't think it's as bad as Shirley has made this out actually"

Ignoring Alan Carl spoke directly to Shirley "I take it we're heading to Denny's office?" As Shirley nodded Carl grabbed Alan's other ear saying "It's ok

Shirley you can let go I've got him now"

Gladly relinquishing her charge Shirley beamed at her fiancée's back as he dragged the source of her rapidly developing headache off to Denny's office.

"Ow Carl this is assault you and Shirley have no right what did my ears ever do to you Ow Ow"

Twisting Alan's ear further Carl bustled him into Denny's office and pushed him into the first available chair releasing the much abused ear and saying

firmly to the man before him "I strongly advise you to sit here quietly and say nothing until you're asked you got that?"

Rubbing vigorously at his ear Alan stared up insolently at his oppressor "What are you my father now?"

Crouching down right in front of the not so insolent face before him now Carl leaned forward and whispered loudly "If I was your father you wouldn't be

sitting comfortably right now Alan so best not go down the parental route with me! If I was you I would for once do as I was told and be a good boy

and sit there quietly until I say otherwise you got that?"

Blushing furiously as he looked up at Denny's bemused expression Shirley's beaming one and Carl's super stern one Alan did what any sane person

would in those circumstances he nodded and mumbled "Yes Sir"

Denny Crane who had been having a quiet nap was quite disgruntled at the turn of events that led to his clearly chastened friend bringing the circus of

two senior partners into his office.

"So guys to what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?"

Shirley turning away from the pleasant sight of a for once quiet and subdued Alan Shore looked at Denny saying. "The judge in our case knows that

you and Alan have a bet on the outcome Denny, what do you know about this? And how the Hell did the judge find out?"

Looking at the expectant faces before him Denny answered blithely unaware of the impact his answer was going to have on those around him. "That's

easy I told the court clerk all about it thought it might go in my favour ergo I win the wager!"

Stunned into shocked silence Shirley and Carl were not quick enough to stop Alan as he leapt forward screaming into Denny's face "What the Hell is the

matter with you this could get us both debarred! All this so you can win a bet Jesus Christ Denny when did you get so pathetic! I can tell you one thing

you can forget any friendship we ever had I've done with you old man just keep the Hell away from me we're done!"

Alan stormed out not looking back so failed to see the crumpled expression on Denny's as he slumped down in his chair shaking his head repeating

over again "What have I done what have I done"

Shirley immediately forgot all her anger as she went to the man before her reassuring him "it will be alright Denny Alan's just angry right now he'll be back"

"But Shirley he's right what the Hell was I thinking I might have finished his career!"

"Denny we can sort this don't worry I know the judge he's a fair guy I was just mad with Alan we can sort this I promise"

Carl who had been watching the scene before him began to feel like a third wheel and got up saying "I suppose I'd better go find our wayward boy

before he does something that really finishes his career off! I don't think I've ever seen him quite so mad."

Looking at Shirley then at Denny he continued "Tell you what tonight you and Alan can come to dinner at ours you can sleep over how about it?"

Denny looked up with such a beaten expression on his face that Carl and Shirley could cheerfully have strangled Alan if he had still been in the room!

"You heard what he said he doesn't want to be anywhere near me anymore we're done"

"Denny I wager you whatever you want that your headstrong young friend will be at ours tonight and you need to be there too!" Carl turned and left

Denny to Shirley's tender mercies as he went off in search of Alan.

Alan Shore paced angrily up and down his office muttering and kicking the desk each time he passed it he looked up when he heard the door opening

and screamed "Get out whoever the Hell you are get out of my God damned office right now!"

To Alan's obvious dismay Carl continued into the office shutting the door behind him then leant languidly against the wall scrutinising the younger man

before him.

Sighing heavily Alan turned his back saying "Not now Carl I am not in the mood for another of your lectures. I'm angry ok Denny's an ass and I am

seriously pissed" Alan kicked the desk again for good measure and looked back defiantly daring the other man to speak.

"I told Catherine to go home so it's just you and I here now Alan. I think you know why I am here and the fact you are continuing with this little tantrum

proves to me that we are beyond talking now."

"This is no tantrum Carl I am mad as Hell and I don't care who knows it! I have no idea why you are here and I am asking you for the last time to leave

my office!

"Not gonna happen son least not until we have addressed a few issues!" Carl continued ignoring the growing fury of the other man. "You don't speak

to your friends or anyone the way you spoke to Denny earlier do you have any idea how much you hurt the guy?"

Spluttering Alan responded" What the Hell are you talking about Carl that crazy old man might have got us both debarred and if I want to yell at him

then I God damned will! I don't know who the Hell you think you are coming in here telling me how to behave its ok for you and Shirley to yell at Denny

and I but I'm not allowed to yell! One rule for you two and another for your minions is that how it works? Well sorry to disappoint you Carl I will scream

and yell at whoever I want and you Shirley Schmidt and Denny Crane can just kiss my ass!"

Carl continued "Tantrum over yet son? Are we going to address your attitude or anymore abuse coming?"

Seeing red at Carl's infuriating manner Alan snapped and faced up to the much bigger man pushing him in the chest screaming "I am not your fucking

son and there's plenty more abuse I'm just getting warmed up!"

Moving quickly Carl grabbed Alan's wrists and propelled him forward sitting himself on the sofa he pulled Alan over his lap ignoring the other man's

frustrated screams "What the Hell are you doing Carl let me up right now!" Alan struggled in vain as Carl secured him over his lap keeping his wrists

held tightly onto his back and using his own long limbs to hold the younger man's flailing legs.

" Oh you're gonna get warmed up alright Alan you have had this spanking coming for months if not years and your behaviour towards Denny tonight

was so far out of line that I'm gonna make sure you don't sit comfortably for a week!"

Bringing his large hand down firmly on his furious captive's trouser clad bottom Carl began to methodically and repeatedly spank the bottom before him.

Alan wriggled squirmed and screamed threatening criminal charges and physical revenge as his behind began to increasingly sting still Carl continued to

spank him. Eventually Alan quietened down and Carl began to talk to him.

"So why do you think we are here Alan?"

"I don't know Carl could it be because your some kind of sadist with a sicko Daddy fetish! Ow Ow"

Alan screamed out in pain as Carl landed two particularly vicious blows to his already tender behind.

"Ok Ok I was nasty to Denny I'm sorry I'm sorry just quit spanking for Christ's sakes!"

"I think after tonight Alan I am going to take a more fatherly role in your life if anyone needed someone looking out for them it's you. That also means

as well as looking after you, I will turn you over my knee again if you step out of line or do anything that pisses me off! And Alan if there is a next time I

will be relieving you of your pants and you will be getting the spanking on your bare butt!"

"Ok ok I'll be good just stop you're killing me here!"

Alan sobbed as the older man continued with a final flurry of spanks before allowing him to slide off his lap onto the floor. Alan thought he would die

right there of humiliation as the older man lifted him up and sat him on his lap and hugged him. Talking gently Carl rocked his colleague and rubbed his

back. "It's ok buddy your fine now it's all gonna be ok."

The two men sat together in comfortable silence until Alan started to squirm and try to get up from the other man's lap. Carl reluctantly let the younger

man go and stood up saying "Come on let's get you to the bathroom and splash some water on your face then you have some apologies to give"

Alan couldn't understand why he was being so compliant he had been furious with Carl only minutes ago promising all kinds of revenge and now he

was letting his tormentor lead him to the bathroom and wash his face! Alan felt his normal recalcitrant persona return when Carl began to undo his

trousers wanting to look at the damage to his behind.

Slapping the other man's hand away Alan squeaked "Jeez Carl I know you just spanked me but I am a big boy and I can undress myself!"

Carl couldn't help but grin at the other mans affronted tone "That's ok buddy just slip them down at the back so I can assess the damage."

"I don't know why you have to look I can tell you I will be black and blue after that abuse you just dished out!"

"Quit whining Alan and let me see." Ignoring the younger man's huff as he turned around Carl assessed the skin on the spanked bottom in front of him.

"Not bad barely pink now no broken skin I must have let you off too lightly!"

Both men spun around quickly when a high pitched whistle followed by Shirley's dulcet tones rang out "Man if that's him getting off lightly I'm glad I

don't let you spank me!"

Rolling his eyes upwards as he quickly pulled his trousers back up Alan whined "If it's possible to die of humiliation you do know you two would be guilty

of murder!"

Laughing at his discomfort Shirley leant forward tousling his hair saying "If anyone had a spanking coming Alan it was you! Now come on Denny's

waiting."

Alan allowed himself to be bustled out of the bathroom and towards Denny's office and their balcony.

Suddenly Alan felt apprehensive and turned to Carl and Shirley "What if he doesn't want to see me maybe I went too far this time?"

"You just get in there and apologise it will be fine I promise go on."

Spinning the younger man around Carl swatted his butt and pushed him forward eliciting a yelp and a scowl from his surrogate son much to Shirley's

amusement.

Alan could see his best friend looking out over the balcony whiskey in one hand cigar in the other "Hey Denny is it ok if I join you?"

Denny spun around and Alan's heart flipped when he saw the joy in the other man's eyes. "Sure Alan I hoped you'd come I poured you a whiskey over

here."

Alan moved towards his old friend and embraced him as he began his apology. "Denny I am so sorry all that crap I said early I am so sorry I hope you

can forgive me?"

Denny held the younger man out away from him so he could get a good look at the man he considered his best friend in the world. "Sure I forgive you.

What about you do you forgive me I can't believe I did that?" Denny tapped the side of his head "Mad cow what can I say I'm losing my mind."

"No Denny you're not we all have our moments just like today. I hope you know I will always be there for you!"

"Glad to hear that son when you said you were done with me I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach I never want to lose you Alan."

"I know it's the same for me life without you would be unbearable."

Denny ushered the other man forward heading towards the white chairs they sat on each night. "Come on let's sit down and enjoy our drinks."

Alan pulled back suddenly "It's ok Denny you go ahead sit I'll just stand awhile."

Denny turned and looked in askance at his friend before saying "Did Shirley spank you?"

Alan responded quickly denying the other man's allegation "No no she didn't what made you say that?"

"Well she was real mad and you won't sit, and come to think of it you're walking kind of funny. Come on Alan dish the dirt if Shirley spanked you I want

details!"

"Shirley didn't spank me Denny so let's talk about something else please."

"Hmm I think you do protest too much! Oh I get it Carl spanked you!"

Denny burst out laughing at the horrified look on Alan's face as he spoke quickly "Jeez Denny keep your voice down we don't want the world to know!"

"Oh man I wish I'd been there. Tell you something Alan I bet there would be a queue of people who would pay good money to see you spanked. So

come on what happened did he take you over his knee pants up or down? Come on now Alan you know friends share."

Denny continued to laugh uproariously as his flustered and for once speechless buddy tried to respond to his questions.

"I don't know why you find it so funny? It has to be one of the most humiliating experiences of my adult life so far!"

Still grinning at his friend's discomfiture Denny continued "Do you want me to shoot him for you I have a gun you know."

"God no I'll be the one who pays for that. I have been warned Denny I do anything to piss him off and next time I lose my pants!"

The look of horror on his friends face was just too much Denny cracked up laughing again.

"Denny quit laughing this is serious!"

"Your right kid you piss Carl off every day this is serious your ass is grass!" Denny broke off into further fits of laughter as Alan turned away in disgust.

Sometime later Carl entered to find Alan sulking and Denny still laughing. "So you two guy's ready Shirley's gone to get the car."

Alan turned asking "Ready for what don't tell me there is an encore to this perfect evening?"

"Didn't Denny tell you? You're both invited to dinner and a sleep over at ours so come on Shirley doesn't like to be kept waiting."

"Denny is far too busy laughing at my misfortune to tell me anything!"

Alan focussed on his friend who was struggling manfully to get his laughter under control then turned to Carl speaking sarcastically.

"So Carl if we keep Shirley waiting what's going to happen might she spank us?"

Carl spoke sharply to the younger man

"Come on Alan quit sulking I don't think you really want to get Shirley mad she has a mean hairbrush and I don't think your butt could take another

whopping tonight."

The mention of Shirley and the hairbrush had managed to grab Denny's attention and he got up from his chair grinning at Alan "Come on Alan lets go

Shirley has a hairbrush."

Alan grudgingly followed the other men muttering "I don't know why you're so keen Denny it's not like Shirley will use her hairbrush on you."

Carl bent down and whispered loudly into Alan's ear "No but she might use it on you if you don't lose the attitude and I for one would let Denny

watch!"

Alan increased his pace and caught up with the beaming Denny who exclaimed "Man tonight is going to be so much fun I might get to watch!"

" It's not going to happen Denny not even in your dreams!" Alan stomped forward heading towards Shirley's four by four ignoring the laughter of the

two older men following him.

Reaching the range rover Alan opened the door of the front passenger seat and launched himself into the vehicle beaming at a bemused Shirley

Schmidt "Ok Shirley now's our chance put your foot on the gas and let's roll we can shake those two losers off. Think of it just you and me and the open

road come on you know you want to lets go."

Shaking her head at the man sat beside her Shirley spoke drily" Alan I can safely say the thought of you and I on the open road together fills me with

nothing but dread and would surely lead to my incarceration as a result of murdering you! Now open the door and go and sit nicely in the back seat

where you belong Carl will be sitting next to me not you!"

Alan was not one to give in easily "Come on Shirley where is that pioneer spirit, your sense of adventure, I could open you up to a whole new world!

"And I could open you up to a whole world of hurt if you don't do as you're told and go and sit in the back seat right now!"

"Sheesh Shirley you don't have to get mean I was just inviting you to open up your horizons" the passenger door opened signalling Carl and Denny's

arrival at the car.

Shirley sharply responded to Alan "I swear to God Alan if I you do not move your butt out of that seat in the next ten seconds I will put you over my

knee right here in the car park and I don't care who's watching!"

Huffing but wisely saying nothing Alan brushed passed a grinning Carl and Denny and got himself into the back of Shirley's car then pouting turned to

stare out of the window ignoring Denny's delighted speech offering his own butt to Shirley for spanking!


End file.
